9 Weeks and counting

So far I have made it over the 7 week wall we hit last time around. This time around I am definitely a lot more sick. I have a hard time even pulling myself off the couch, from either exhaustion, or for fear that I will lose everything I have eaten. My poor hubby.. every times hes cooked me something I have ended up in the bathroom.. so now he thinks its his cooking. Anything with chicken in it is an automatic no I have figured out.. and that makes me really sad... I LOVE chicken! The not sleeping because I have to pee a million times in the night is already getting old.. and its just begun :/ Oh well, I am just happy that in the end, I will have this wonderful child with my husband.

I have been looking for a job for a while now and nothing seems to be taking. Around here everyone wants you to have security clearance in the door. But you cant just go get yourself clearance.. your employer has to do it. So I am kinda hosed unless I get really lucky and find a place that will hire me without it. I guess I am kinda glad I dont have a job whereas I have been too sick to do much good :( But we really need the money. I have to come up with $3500 for a midwife. Which by the way.. there are NONE in the area, I have to find one thats over an hour away.. hope they drive fast because my labors arent really that long.. (its been 6 years... maybe it will be longer *shrug*) I just need to trust that everything will be okay, that it will work out how we need. That we will be taken care of. We usually are, but getting to the point of putting all your trust in the unknown is tough.

Today I got to go to school with my son, where he was honored as student of the month for courage. I am so very proud of him. He got a medal and everything for it and when he saw me walk into the school and find him, his face lit up and his grin was huge. That is one of the plus's of being home. I am able to be there for my kids when they need me to be at all times. I DO miss adult interaction tho.. all day I am home by myself with nothing to do and no one to talk to. It gets pretty lonely. For now.. I think I will go meditate and set my intentions. Things will turn around for us.. they have to.

Much love to all....

Hopefully this time, it sticks

This post will be a short one... last couple of weeks I hadnt been feeling well and smells seemed to want to make me puke, also I have been quite easily irritated. I took a test before New Years and it was negative, but after not getting a visit from my not so favorite Aunt.. I took another test yesterday. This time, 2 lovely pink lines showed up! So again, I am pregnant. This time I really hope nothing goes wrong and everything comes out  fine. I really want this to work, to have a child that is mine and Shawns.

Going from a website.. it looks like I am about 5 weeks a long and due around Sept 4th. I know people generally  wait to tell people the news until they are out of the risky time period where most miscarriages happen. But for me, why should the loss of any pregnancy be hidden? What has society taught us? That its only sad to lose a child once you are either X months along. To me, a loss is still a loss especially for those really trying to have a family.

Soooo heres to hoping!!